I have always thought that life is like being on a journey. And on this journey we will find nice roads, wide trails, narrow trails, steep trails, hills, etc etc. We get surprise sometimes by our decision on what road to take next. Do we turn right? Do we turn left? Should we leave the nice road and pick that narrow dark trail? Will it be safe? Where will it lead?
There are many instances in my life that I had to choose what road to take. Sometimes I had more info and others I just followed my gut feeling. Though in all those instances, I truly believe now, that it was the best for me at the moment. It was right and it had it's own pros and cons. I truly believe that there is a hidden silver lining in all of them. Even the ones that at face value seems so wrong.
One of the big ones was when my parents divorced. I was barely 12. I had to choose who I should live with and that decision will include my young sister who simply wants to follow me wherever I go. So I chose my father. We moved to my paternal grandfather's house. Lost contact with my mother and elder sister who chose to stay with her. Life changes in that split second that I made my decision for both my young sister and me. And yet, as I lose precious time with my mother and sister, I gained the value of family as my father's siblings all stay near each other and are very close. My cousins and I grew up together. We learn to appreciate family and how to support each other.
The next big decision was when I applied for boarding school because all my friends are applying. I did not really want to go but I figured my friends will get into the same boarding school and we could continue our friendship. At the time, those friends were my most precious possession. I did not want to part with them. When the offer letter came, most of my friends got into the same school and I was the only one that was offered the boarding school in Penang. I was teribbly disappointed, to say the least. My friends persuaded me to go. They said it will be good for us. I only thought of the fact that I will be a stranger in a strange land in a school that no one I know goes to. I wanted out. However, I made a decision to at least gave it a try. Thinking that I could leave if I hated it. But those years was one of the best in my life. I learned to grow up. Be a bit independent. Learned to make new friends. Made mistakes. Had a crush. Superb experience that I would not exchange for anything. Even though I left my young sister behind and was even more distant from both my father and mother.
The next one of course involves university. I chose to apply to UTM. I had made up my mind that I wanted to go there. I just haven't decided what course to take. All I knew was that I wanted to get as far away as possible from science and maths subjects. So I filled the form for any course that I could apply to that does not have anything to do with science. But there was one more place to fill. My mother ask me to pick an engineering course. I was against it but i figured that it would be my last pick and thus have a low chance of being successful and in the mean time it will make my mother happy. Plus, I wanted to please her because we are not that close. Guess what? Oh yeah, that was the course that I was offered and i did not get any other offer from any other university. I was mad but I had no choice. So with rebel in my heart, I went. Intending to fail so that I could pick another course. Unfortunately, I got a scholarship that would make the burden on my father that much lighter and thus I was shackled into finishing the course. A hard as the course was, I managed to get through it. Thanks largely to my friends, whom I love dearly, I was able to make it. And again, those were the best times of my life. Had my first car (though it is an old beat up car, I loved it to bits), my first accident, my first time going out for a bite after midnight, my first all night cramming, my first best friend (whom I love so much I practically adopted her family). Many many firsts. Had a blast I tell ya. A BLAST!!!!! So despite the unwanted course, I had so much fun. Wouldn't change that for anything either.
Then decisions about work. Sometimes the lack of it. Had my dark moments of being useless and jobless. I wanted to work in Ipoh, close to my family after years of being away. But we can plan people say, but only ALLAH will decide. Work have taken me to Shah Alam, Petaling Jaya (where I stayed with my stepmother's relative. They were very very nice to me and I am grateful forever) and finally back to Ipoh. I was happy here. Things was going ok. True my salary is low and I do menial work but I was happy. Living a stressless (is that even a word? hahahaha) life. But as life has it, it is time again for me to make a decision. Either to stay on this road that is nice and looks so easy or go off road and find another trail full of adventure.
It all started when my raya leave was denied. He only approved the two days that is considered as public holidays and one more day extra. That's it. Even though I have no urgent matter to do during this raya period. I thought that it was very inconsiderate of my boss to not think about his employees and how they would want to celebrate this with their family that usually can only get together once a year. I was livid. More so when I heard that some got their leave approved. I saw red then. I was talking to the other employees who was angry as well and we decided to not come to work no matter what. Knowing that this could very well mean getting fired. Funny though, this made me reevaluate my current situation. I started to ask around about job openings. I applied for two positions in one day where before I was mainly playing the waiting game with my application for a government post. Where before I was contend with this low paying job, I want more now. And thus, I had a discussion with my family. After comtemplating everything, I had finally made a decision. I will tender my resignation after raya. I will take that plunge into the deep dark sea and take my chances for a better future. Maybe this is just what I needed to trigger a change. It might be a mistake but I truly believe there will be a silver lining even if it turns out to be a mistake initially. I believe that. I just hope it willl turn out great right from the start. With a silent prayer in my heart, here I go.......:D
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